THE PANDEMIC TIMES.

S.P. proudly presents its newest section: The Pandemic Times, your journal during the pandemic times.

REPORTER: We are here in Concratemade Street to interview the population to make them questions exclusively about Coronavirus and the pandemic times we're living these days. We need to know popular opinions, so let's see the results:

QUESTION: Excuse me, madamn. What do you think about being alive in pandemic times? 

LADY: Oh! It's wonderful to be alive today, I love to wear this shitty mask that pricks my nose every moment.

OLD GENTLEMAN: Are we living in a pandemy?

TEENAGER TEXTING ON THE PHONE: Are we still alive?

HOMELESS: I knew it! I knew it! It is the aliens! Aliens are attacking us! Aliens!

QUESTION: If you were a peanut butter, what would you do?

LADY: I would be creamy. More than I am actually.

OLD GENTLEMAN: I would be more happy because my family don't come to visit me no more, it didn't make any sense with your question I just wanted to vent it with someone :(

TEENAGER TEXTING ON THE PHONE: What the heck this question is about? Aren't we supposed to talk about the virus?

HOMELESS: Aliens!

QUESTION: To finish it all, what kind of music are you into?

LADY: I like R&B music, but I like Rock music too.

OLD GENTLEMAN: Oh the good ol' times! I like a lot of Bee Gees, Chic, Pet Shop Boys and the other heavy metal bands.

TEENAGER TEXTING ON THE PHONE: That's ridiculous. 

HOMELESS: Aliens! Aliens! Aliens! Adrian! Adrian!

And this was the first and last edition of The Pandemic Times, your safe and only source of infomation during Coronavirus big party!

how to be E-BOY, the newest trend on internet.

Warning! This is just a parody, ok? It wasn't my intention to offend anybody. Just read it and have fun. Yeah, I need to explain it nowadays.

E-Boys are the hottest trend on internet right now. They use black clothes, they are not dogs but they use chains around their neck or waist, they are... cute? Nah! They just act like they're seducing someone over a camera on social media (it barely ever works) like TikTok or whatever other shit. They think the world is against them and love crying. Now you know eveything about the style, let's learn how to be one of them, for free!

First of all, take off your outdated cheesy simple-colored t-shirt. Being an E-Boy means being a fashion boy, an internet boy, a connected boy, a modern boy. So, put an old rock n' roll band t-shirt over a long sleeved shirt and you'll be okay and trendy!

For your pants, you need a black, simple and comfortabe Nike or Adidas baggy pants that you can find on whatever generic store close to you OR a generic ripped off jeans you can find in literally every clothes shop. For shoes, you have to use a modern generic tennis. That's it.

Second of all, you need to get a treat on your hair. Nobody likes a combed simple hairstyle, you need to screw all your hair over, take bleach or some generic ink and paint it. If you don't want colored hair, it's okay, just do follow these three simple steps:

- Sleep.

- Wake up.

- Go to your destiny.

That's it. And then you'll have a trendy, cool and atractive, scruffy, messy hair! It's so simple to be on trend!

Now, you need the accesories. The accesories can be by your own personality, you can get a dog chain on sale with a cool price, you can get some black nail polish to paint your wonderful nails and, the most important at all, you can get a depression by killing someone or something from your family :-) (WARNING! FUCK DON'T DO THIS!!!!).

If you followed all those steps (not the last one), you'll become a cool and popular E-Boy, all the girls are going to fall in love of how emotional and deep you are, and all the boys are going to say how fag you look. Great deal! Thank me later.

HOW TO SHUT UP

Hi friends! I'm here to make a tutorial about "How To Shut Up". Let's start! It's very easy and pleasurable! 

FIRST LESSON: First of all you need to have a mouth. If you have a mouth it's okay.

SECOND LESSON: Second Lesson is, with your mouth you start to close it slowly or quickly. I recommend you close your mouth quickly. It's easy. Just close your mouth. 

THIRD LESSON: And finally, the third lesson is just SHUT UP. Just don't say absolutely nothing and that's it.

You just read a tutorial about how to shut up. 

Yep. What are you doing for your life?

SmashAD: LUCKY BOY

Are you an unlucky guy? Have you got fired from your job, killed your mother, broke with your girlfriend that you intended to marry? YOUR PROBLEMS ARE OVER! 

Now you have the Lucky Boy: The Smashed Pie's Newest Service to facilitate your stupid life! It works like this: You pay U$ 3.000,00 for Smashed Pie's each month and each month you pay you will receive a lot of luck!! Check out the testimony of our customers!

IAN CRINCROK: I was my family shame, but when I get my Lucky Boy, in the SAME DAY I got U$ 3.000,00 and with this money I bought U$ 3.000,00 in Bubblegum!! THAT'S AMAZING!

CAUTION! We don't refund your money back if you are a brain sick.

WILL BYERS: The year was 2010 and I was totally broke. But, when I used my last 3.000 bucks in this Lucky Boy... OH BOY! I became rich and really hot. I really don't know if my chicks are with me just because I have a lot of money but it's okay.

What are you waiting?! Just pay 3.000,00 and receive a lot of luck for you and your family! Lucky elves don't exist but we exist! C'MOM!! Subscribe NOW!

A Smashed Pie's Production.

APPLE NEEDS TO STOP with APPLE WATCH

OH! here comes a Unecessary OLD MAN Complaint!!

Apple is one of the biggest corporations of the world and like the others corporations, it invests a lot of money in technology. But, what's the time to STOP? 

Apple released a short time ago the Apple's Watch and HOLY SHIT, that Apple's Watch has more functions than all the cellphones I ever had and more! It's just a watch... watches has the function of inform what time is it, and not count how many steps you've taken or something like this. You can listen to songs on this WATCH.

Well... What i'm trying to say about Apple's Watch is STOP. PLEASE.

"The Human don't know the time of stop"

                                                             - Man, Old

MEMES AWESOME HISTORY !!!

Oh memes! The best thing on Internet before Porn. Memes are funny, happy and are important. You know it? If not, I'll tell you the history of memes!! Everything starts at 1879.

Once upon a time a drunk hick was sitting under a tree, when suddenly a great and promising ideia came in his head: "WOW! Let me take a picture of me and write a subtitle below the photo!" And that's what he did. He take a picture of himself and wrote a subtitle below the photograph. And the subtitle was: *Half-drunk*. He didn't care about that shit but that photo was the first MEME of all history. Let's see more...

In the Second World War, the legend says that Adolf Hitler died after to feel short of breath while laughing at a meme. Actually, the researchers of Clowniversity proved the legend. The meme:

yep. Memes are very important for World History. U can't leave Memes die. For the good of the world, just share a fucking meme.

Moral of the History: Don't be a hick with a camera on hands. 

THANK YOU XD

I CAME BACK

It is just a post to say: I CAME BACK BITCHES.